It is I your favourite pig, Bacon! have my fans missed me? You all should have! But anyway, I went on a date with that lovely piggy I met at the club three weeks a go. Let me tell you how it went.
The lovely pigs name was, rashers. What a lovely name! Imagine us as a couple! Bacon and Rashers together forever. Anyway, cut the slop, we went to a lovely diner called Restaurant Non-vegan. It looked gorgeous from outside so we said we would take a chance. The waiter stared us down as if we were criminals. How bad. Except, I work for the FPI (federal pig of investigation), its my job to be on the watch out for criminals. Not the other way around! We sat at a table for two. There was a silken lace table cloth draped over the table and the lights were dimmed. Soft jazz music was playing in the background. Rashers and I looked at the menu of which was in front of us. I went for a veggie burger and a glass of lemonade. I was in for the biggest shock of my life when the waiter came around. “May I take your orders please?” he asked. He looked at Rashers. “I would like pork chops and potatoes please. A roast dinner if you will,” she said. I couldn’t believe it! My date was a cannibal! I fell off my seat resulting in everyone looking at me. “Sorry mates, just catching forty-winks” I brushed it off. I told the waiter what I wanted. The next fifteen minutes went in silence.
When the meals came around, I politely ate my veggie burger. It didn’t taste very veggie yet I ate more anyway. Rashers ate her pork chops. I tried not to look. Then it hit me. She could put me in the oven in the morning for dinner that evening. I then became quite scared. I looked at my burger once again to see it was pure meat with vegetables on the top. I oinked loudly. The waiter rushed over to me asking me what the problem was. “I asked for a veggie burger! I’m a vegan!” The waiter looked at me. “This is café non-vegan! Everything here is meat orientated!” I then realised the significance of the name.
Me and Rashers keep in contact but I said goodbye to the wedding idea. She could eat our kids. Not gonna happen! Maybe I’ll get lucky one day. There’s plenty more pigs in the barn!